So here I am, about to move to another country, again, and as I am preparing all the paperwork and getting all the documents, I realize something. I realize that my passport is set to expire next November… Now obviously this wouldn't be a problem at the moment for most, but when you are moving overseas for 2 years and have your passport set to expire in the middle of it all, it is cause for concern. So after discussing with the principal of the school I will be working for in Majuro, I set out to get my passport renewed early, so I will not have to worry about finding a way to do it while living there, and having to deal with visa issues all over again too.
I set out for Service Canada in Whitehorse, mid March, not sure the exact day, as there is no passport office up here unfortunately. I went in to ask a few questions, and right off the bat the lady there was so unhelpful and just kept referring me to the table of passport applications and passport renewal applications. I tried to explain to her my situation but it was pointless. So there I was, looking at a bunch of applications to be sent in. I grabbed one of each, and decided I needed to go home and call Passport Canada. Stopping on the way to get my passport pictures taken, which cost me $20, my first purchase related to my passport. I go home, thinking this shouldn't be a difficult task. I mean it's just a simple renewal. I have a valid passport. I have never had any trouble traveling. My passport is full of stamps. I am renewing it early; they are making more money off of me because of it. This should be simple…
So I call, and I spoke to a lady, though full of knowledge of their procedures and how things work, still a fairly frustrating conversation. I was told to go to a Passport Office. She looked up the closest one to me; Vancouver. Asked if I could drive there. I told her it would take me 24 hours. She agreed that wasn't a great plan. She then told me my next option would be to fill out the renewal application form, and write a letter with it explaining to them why I needed to renew early and send in proof of my employment overseas. It was a long conversation but I had it all figured out. I didn't like the idea of sending my passport somewhere in the mail, but alas I filled out the renewal, wrote a letter, printed out a copy of my teaching contract and got my passport pictures, and sent it express to Ottawa, ($16 for express mail with tracking).
Once it was received in Ottawa, according to Canada Post tracking, I waited about a week, and then called to check the status (the lady on the phone had told me to call back weekly to make sure it was being processed). There was no status on the first call, but a few days later when I called again the lady says to me, "Oh no one has called you about this?". She then went on to tell me that when they received my application, my current passport was damaged and therefore not only do I have to redo my entire application as a new applicant, and send it all in again, I also will not get my old passport back. This baffled me. My passport wasn't damaged. I had no idea what she was talking about. I pleaded with her, and she said that it would not have been damaged there, and she cannot tell if it was before it was sent or not. But they had strict rules and it could be as simple as a drop of water on one of the pages. This was now just too much for me. I am trying to get this all done, so I can apply for my visa and get my flight booked and she is telling me I have to redo my application, and can't have my old passport full of stamps and memories back. I also had to fill out another form about damaged passports, and write another letter explaining my situation and why I want my passport back… It's mine just give it back. Why else would I want it back other than sentimental reasons? Worst. I had a minor breakdown on my kitchen floor, because I am an emotional human and started to stress out.
So I went at it again. Thankfully I have one friend here I have known longer than 2 years to be my guarantor to sign all my stuff for the application. So I filled it out, got my passport pictures reprinted ($5, thankfully still on file) and this time had to enclose my birth certificate. My passport gets damaged on the way, and now they want my original birth certificate. Fantastic. Anyways, passport application done, letter written, all documents enclosed. I sent it off (another $16 for express and tracking). This was April 9, 2015. Also the next day I notice I was charged for my passport on my credit card, even though they weren't processing that application ($160 for the 10 year passport). Make sense to anyone?
On April 16, I check the tracking and it says it was delivered. I call on the Friday the 17th and there is no update, the lady on the phone tells me that it takes 5 days from when it says delivered to when it's actually opened and being processed. I call back on the Monday the 20th, same story. Not in the system, but they ask my tracking number. I told the lady the number the last time, and I had misplaced the receipt at that moment so she couldn't help me. I call back Thursday the 23rd, and the guy tells me there is no update and needs the tracking number. Once again I still couldn't find it but I knew it had been delivered the week prior. He was much nicer than the rest of people I talked to, but still was unable to be much of help.
So here is Friday the 24th, and I have a voicemail from Passport Canada asking me to call them back, as the last guy I talked to realized I was pretty stressed and emailed his supervisor to tell him the situation. The supervisor called me and said to find my tracking number so that they could get this passport process done for me. I got home, searched my room and found the receipt (my bad, I threw it in the garbage). I called Passport Canada and told her I had received a call, gave her my file number for my application and told her they needed my tracking number. I gave it to her, she inputted it into the system, after checking the tracking and realizing it had been with them for 10 days now. In so many words, she basically told me that no one has opened it or begun to process it, aka it very well could be lost. With my birth certificate in it. Thanks guys. So she was also extremely unhelpful, as all she did was put the tracking number in and say 'have a nice day'.
So here I am, wondering if I will ever get this application process finished, as the principal at the school in Marshall Islands patiently awaits my passport information to process my visa application and book my flight for me. I feel awful and that they probably think I am unorganized or slacking on it, but it is something so far out of my control at the moment. And I hate that.
And all the while I wonder, will I get my original passport with all my stamps back? Is it really necessary to withhold it from me because of a little damage? Or will I have to deal with the fact that I do not get to keep it?
Patience. I am needing some right now.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Sunday, April 12, 2015
#hashtag
Those who know me well, know I hated hashtags not too long ago. Something about the way people used them just rubbed me the wrong way. I guess I never really understood the use of them because truthfully, the people I saw using them on Instagram (I don't have Twitter) were using them to try to be funny, but usually just ended up being mean. And I wasn't cool with that. It made me uncomfortable, and a little sad. Without getting deep into the issues I dealt with, with former friends and their affinity for mean hashtags, I will say that I judged the use of the hashtag prematurely. My former use of hashtags was to write the word 'hashtag' before things instead of the ever popular '#'. Oh how funny I thought I was being. Can't just be like everyone else, can you Sara? Of course not.
But alas, fast forward to this day, and many will probably say I hashtag too much. There is no happy mediums in life, don't you know? But alas, I have given up caring what others may deem acceptable for the things I choose to do in my life. So I hashtag. Now also, I have come to the conclusion that I am not that funny. I have my father and sister's sense of humour and wit, but to be honest, they have both always been much funnier than I. So I do not hashtag to make jokes often, and I certainly do not hashtag to make fun of others. I hashtag to share my pictures with the world.
Now before you go thinking that I am dying for 'likes' and basing my self worth on how many people like my pictures or follow me, I want to explain. I am not going to lie and say that I do not enjoy that people are liking my photos. I wouldn't be hashtagging if I didn't enjoy it at all. But it is more than just the satisfaction of having a certain amount of likes, as I have been enjoying the ability to share my pictures with other people here in the Yukon, and almost feel like a part of a community of others who enjoy the same thing. I have been lucky enough to have picked up a few photography skills from dating a talented photographer for awhile, as well as being someone who is able to pick up things quite easily in general. So I feel proud when I am able to capture the views and the moments of my life so perfectly, so accurately, that I can't help but want to share them with my friends, fellow travellers, and adventurers.
I started hashtagging with a purpose on my drive through Canada, using the #explore_____, filling in the blank with whatever province the picture was taken in. I found it fascinating to look through the hashtag and see others doing similar trips, and taking photos from similar vantage points as I, but coming up with different ways of presenting it. I have always enjoyed travel photography, being a traveler myself, and I started following all kinds of Canadian Instagram feeds who feature other people's photos taken in Canada, as well as travel photography feeds. The world is such a beautiful place, it's amazing the pictures that you see on these feeds. So that's when I started hashtagging even more…
Since I got here, I have had a silly goal with my Instagram and hashtags. I really wanted one of my pictures to be featured on the Travel Yukon Instagram feed. For no other reason than the satisfaction of my pictures being worthy. It's silly I know, but being confident in my amateur photography skills, and seeing the pictures posted daily, I figured it wouldn't be a hard thing to do. But alas, it has yet to happen. My theory was that they didn't post them because I refuse to make my travel photos square, always making the whole picture visible through the pic frame app. But that theory was debunked recently. Perhaps they just don't like my photos? Meanwhile, I have had my northern lights photos reposted by Moose Knuckles (because I was wearing a Moose Knuckle jacket in the picture and tagged it), as well as Air North. I have had a few of my random Yukon photos reposted by Canadian Instagram accounts, and even won a photo challenge the other day with Flight Hub; though I was never told which photo actually won me the contest, they said they really enjoyed all the ones I tagged for it. So hashtagging won me $100 credit for flights, can I really complain about it now?
Oh and side note, last year I went to Costa Rica with Student Trip, because I won their 'Social Media Guy' contest, where I hashtagged pictures with #socialmediaguy and my picture of me holding a crocodile by the tail in Thailand was chosen as a semi-finalist and through social media, my lovely friends friends helped me by voting and got me into the finals. My awesome interviewing skills got me the grand prize though. I was lucky enough to experience a trip as a Team Leader with Student Trip, and meet some amazing 17-18 year old students who were on their March Break Grad trip. It may not have been how I pictured going to Costa Rica, but it was an experience I will never forget. And all because I hashtagged my pictures.
I don't claim to be a photographer. I honestly don't think my photos are near the skills of the real photographers I see on Instagram every day. And I am not trying to be one. I don't plan to sell my images, or try to make a living by doing it at all. I just enjoy taking photos of the places I go, or people I am with. And then I enjoy sharing them, for others to get a glimpse of the amazing things I am lucky enough to see in my life.
So you can see now why I am enjoying the use of hashtags. Being a part of a community of travellers, adventurers, and fellow photo sharing people, is kind of a wonderful thing. Through the use of hashtags in recent months, I have learned the ways in which to use social media in more positive ways. In the past, I had a few struggles with the negativity surrounding the use of social media, whether it be in friendships or relationships, and I wanted to distance myself from any unnecessary negativity in my life. Hashtagging and sharing my photos is just one of the ways I have reclaimed my social media for a better purpose, and so long as I am always aware that the number of 'likes' and 'followers' isn't a reflection of who I am or how awesome of a person I am (let's be honest, those who know me should know by now that I do not need 'likes' to know how awesome I am, my confidence, bordering on cockiness, has never been much of a problem) then I can't see it ever being a problem to want to share my photos, and have my photos featured, and continue capturing my life on film (or on SD cards as it may be).
So my friends, I say hashtag away, so long as you aren't using it as a means to bring others down. There's nothing wrong with wanting to share your life, or your photos of your life as it may be, with other people. Social media has a way of connecting you with other like minded people, there's no reason why you can't have some fun with it and enjoy that connection.
But alas, fast forward to this day, and many will probably say I hashtag too much. There is no happy mediums in life, don't you know? But alas, I have given up caring what others may deem acceptable for the things I choose to do in my life. So I hashtag. Now also, I have come to the conclusion that I am not that funny. I have my father and sister's sense of humour and wit, but to be honest, they have both always been much funnier than I. So I do not hashtag to make jokes often, and I certainly do not hashtag to make fun of others. I hashtag to share my pictures with the world.
Now before you go thinking that I am dying for 'likes' and basing my self worth on how many people like my pictures or follow me, I want to explain. I am not going to lie and say that I do not enjoy that people are liking my photos. I wouldn't be hashtagging if I didn't enjoy it at all. But it is more than just the satisfaction of having a certain amount of likes, as I have been enjoying the ability to share my pictures with other people here in the Yukon, and almost feel like a part of a community of others who enjoy the same thing. I have been lucky enough to have picked up a few photography skills from dating a talented photographer for awhile, as well as being someone who is able to pick up things quite easily in general. So I feel proud when I am able to capture the views and the moments of my life so perfectly, so accurately, that I can't help but want to share them with my friends, fellow travellers, and adventurers.
I started hashtagging with a purpose on my drive through Canada, using the #explore_____, filling in the blank with whatever province the picture was taken in. I found it fascinating to look through the hashtag and see others doing similar trips, and taking photos from similar vantage points as I, but coming up with different ways of presenting it. I have always enjoyed travel photography, being a traveler myself, and I started following all kinds of Canadian Instagram feeds who feature other people's photos taken in Canada, as well as travel photography feeds. The world is such a beautiful place, it's amazing the pictures that you see on these feeds. So that's when I started hashtagging even more…
Since I got here, I have had a silly goal with my Instagram and hashtags. I really wanted one of my pictures to be featured on the Travel Yukon Instagram feed. For no other reason than the satisfaction of my pictures being worthy. It's silly I know, but being confident in my amateur photography skills, and seeing the pictures posted daily, I figured it wouldn't be a hard thing to do. But alas, it has yet to happen. My theory was that they didn't post them because I refuse to make my travel photos square, always making the whole picture visible through the pic frame app. But that theory was debunked recently. Perhaps they just don't like my photos? Meanwhile, I have had my northern lights photos reposted by Moose Knuckles (because I was wearing a Moose Knuckle jacket in the picture and tagged it), as well as Air North. I have had a few of my random Yukon photos reposted by Canadian Instagram accounts, and even won a photo challenge the other day with Flight Hub; though I was never told which photo actually won me the contest, they said they really enjoyed all the ones I tagged for it. So hashtagging won me $100 credit for flights, can I really complain about it now?
 |
| Some of my photos featured on other Instagram accounts |
I don't claim to be a photographer. I honestly don't think my photos are near the skills of the real photographers I see on Instagram every day. And I am not trying to be one. I don't plan to sell my images, or try to make a living by doing it at all. I just enjoy taking photos of the places I go, or people I am with. And then I enjoy sharing them, for others to get a glimpse of the amazing things I am lucky enough to see in my life.
So you can see now why I am enjoying the use of hashtags. Being a part of a community of travellers, adventurers, and fellow photo sharing people, is kind of a wonderful thing. Through the use of hashtags in recent months, I have learned the ways in which to use social media in more positive ways. In the past, I had a few struggles with the negativity surrounding the use of social media, whether it be in friendships or relationships, and I wanted to distance myself from any unnecessary negativity in my life. Hashtagging and sharing my photos is just one of the ways I have reclaimed my social media for a better purpose, and so long as I am always aware that the number of 'likes' and 'followers' isn't a reflection of who I am or how awesome of a person I am (let's be honest, those who know me should know by now that I do not need 'likes' to know how awesome I am, my confidence, bordering on cockiness, has never been much of a problem) then I can't see it ever being a problem to want to share my photos, and have my photos featured, and continue capturing my life on film (or on SD cards as it may be).
So my friends, I say hashtag away, so long as you aren't using it as a means to bring others down. There's nothing wrong with wanting to share your life, or your photos of your life as it may be, with other people. Social media has a way of connecting you with other like minded people, there's no reason why you can't have some fun with it and enjoy that connection.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
a change will do you good
My life is about to dramatically change in a matter of months and though I am fairly nervous, the excitement and happiness has definitely overridden my nerves. Soon I will be trading mountains for ocean, cold weather for hot. Some people probably think I am crazy. They thought I was crazy for moving up here to Northern Canada where it was supposed to be colder than home… jokes on them, most days of winter it was colder in Toronto than it was here. At least it seemed that way anyways. I may not have taken advantage of all the opportunities I could have while being here. I spent a few months a bit isolated and trying to be happy alone again, and that is fine. I am glad I did. Because right now I am feeling on top of the world and like nothing can bring me back down again.
Let's get back to the part where people think I am crazy. I often get people asking when I am going to 'settle down', as if I am at an age where it is becoming less appropriate for me to want to wander around the world and do the things I want to do, instead of staying home and working a stable job and of course getting married and having 2.5 kids. The reality is, because of the fact that I do not want marriage and kids, my life is without timelines and deadlines. I do not need to find my forever partner, since I do not believe in forever anyways. I do not need to find a job to make sure I get maternity leave, because I will never need maternity leave. I do not have to find someone to be with by a certain age to make sure I have kids before my 'eggs dry up', because I do not want any of it. With that freedom, comes power. The power to live my life according to my own desires. And there is nothing more freeing than that.
So I choose to go where the wind takes me. I chose to come up here to the Yukon after visiting my friend Bryn, because I just wanted to get away from home and experience new things, while doing the one thing I love most, teaching. And it has worked out so well for me. I have been substitute teaching here since October and that alone has made my happier than I could even imagine. I may not have my own classroom, but working in the same two schools most of the time, I have created relationships with the students and fellow teachers, and I get to have students excited to see that I am teaching them for the day when they walk into the class in the morning. It's the little things like that, that you just can't ever really put into words how it makes you feel.
After being up here, surviving the winter, I am now ready to move on to something more my speed. I have missed the warmth and as much as I love mountains, I adore the ocean. I thrive in hot climates. I make the most of my time doing things I enjoy doing. I plan to buy a stand up paddle board before I leave and bring it with me. I can do that every day of my life, living right on the ocean side. I will buy a bike once I get there to ride around the island, who needs motorized vehicles anyways. These are the things I enjoy doing. I have a lazy side to me, which I think my last relationship brought out a little too much of in me. And now I am ready to get back to the active part of me that I know exists, when the activities are things I enjoy doing.
You know what is amazing about moving from place to place? I have lived in four vastly different places in my life, aside from my hometown, the other three were not exactly long periods of time. And because of that I get to experience new things whenever I want. Different events that happen in the areas I live, I have never experienced before, and get to experience for the first time. For example, last week I went to the Burning Away the Winter Blues event here in Whitehorse, where everyone gathered at the SS Klondike and walked in procession to the Robert Service Campground where there was a massive bonfire. They threw in a yeti effigy and people wrote down their winter blues to burn away in the fire. I had never experienced anything like it. And for many people there it was something they did every year, they probably weren't as excited or intrigued as I was. But I was fascinated with such a cool concept, especially for someone in need of burning away some last bits of negativity holding on.
How lucky am I, that I get to continually experience new things in different cultures throughout my life. I get to feel the excitement of the new and unknown constantly. For some, the new and unknown is frightening, but I am starting to realize I thrive on change. Being stagnant makes me miserable. I love my family. I love my friends. But I love making new friends around the world. I love having relationships with people who have experienced life different than me, and that can show me life as they live in, where they are. I am lucky enough to have made some pretty great friends in all of the places I have lived. Many of whom I still keep in touch with; some more than others. And this doesn't mean I don't enjoy my old friends any less, but I just enjoy having a varied community of people whom I love and enjoy spending my life with.
It's an incredible thing, being able to just go where you want to go. Do the things you want to do. No one stopping you from living your life exactly as you see fit. I think people nowadays get so caught up in comparing their lives to everyone else. "So and so got married, they've only been together a year, me and _____ have been together 5". Not everyone has the same life path. Not everyone wants the same things. No one can tell you how to live your life. It's up to you to decide what you want, and how you will get it. A good life doesn't just happen, you make it happen. You cannot expect to just wake up and be happy. You have to find the things that make you happy.
I made a joke the other day on Facebook about how I look on my social media and everyone is getting married, having babies, really starting their careers, and meanwhile I am excited to once again be moving away to some other part of the planet. And I meant it in the way that it is fascinating that so many of my peers, as well as I, have different priorities in life. We thrive on different things. We have different goals. Different things that make us happy. And that is okay. If everyone wanted the same thing, life would be pretty mundane. That's what make life so interesting. The different people you meet with the different ideas of what life is supposed to look like for them. I do not look down upon anyone who wants to get married and have kids, just because I do not. I may not understand the antiquated tradition of marriage, but if that is what makes my friends happy, I am happy for them. All I want for the people in my life is for them to be living the lives they choose, and that they are happy in their choices. They can get married, or travel the world, or have babies, or do all of it. There is no limit what you can do, as long as you are prepared to do what you can to make it happen.
Lucky for me, I have surrounded myself with the most supportive friends and family a girl can ask for. They are there for me in times of sorrow and happiness. And they support my crazy decisions to move to the North, or the ocean. I just wish I could bring them all with me sometimes, because even with technology the way it is these days, there's nothing like face to face interactions with the people you love.
Let's get back to the part where people think I am crazy. I often get people asking when I am going to 'settle down', as if I am at an age where it is becoming less appropriate for me to want to wander around the world and do the things I want to do, instead of staying home and working a stable job and of course getting married and having 2.5 kids. The reality is, because of the fact that I do not want marriage and kids, my life is without timelines and deadlines. I do not need to find my forever partner, since I do not believe in forever anyways. I do not need to find a job to make sure I get maternity leave, because I will never need maternity leave. I do not have to find someone to be with by a certain age to make sure I have kids before my 'eggs dry up', because I do not want any of it. With that freedom, comes power. The power to live my life according to my own desires. And there is nothing more freeing than that.
So I choose to go where the wind takes me. I chose to come up here to the Yukon after visiting my friend Bryn, because I just wanted to get away from home and experience new things, while doing the one thing I love most, teaching. And it has worked out so well for me. I have been substitute teaching here since October and that alone has made my happier than I could even imagine. I may not have my own classroom, but working in the same two schools most of the time, I have created relationships with the students and fellow teachers, and I get to have students excited to see that I am teaching them for the day when they walk into the class in the morning. It's the little things like that, that you just can't ever really put into words how it makes you feel.
After being up here, surviving the winter, I am now ready to move on to something more my speed. I have missed the warmth and as much as I love mountains, I adore the ocean. I thrive in hot climates. I make the most of my time doing things I enjoy doing. I plan to buy a stand up paddle board before I leave and bring it with me. I can do that every day of my life, living right on the ocean side. I will buy a bike once I get there to ride around the island, who needs motorized vehicles anyways. These are the things I enjoy doing. I have a lazy side to me, which I think my last relationship brought out a little too much of in me. And now I am ready to get back to the active part of me that I know exists, when the activities are things I enjoy doing.
You know what is amazing about moving from place to place? I have lived in four vastly different places in my life, aside from my hometown, the other three were not exactly long periods of time. And because of that I get to experience new things whenever I want. Different events that happen in the areas I live, I have never experienced before, and get to experience for the first time. For example, last week I went to the Burning Away the Winter Blues event here in Whitehorse, where everyone gathered at the SS Klondike and walked in procession to the Robert Service Campground where there was a massive bonfire. They threw in a yeti effigy and people wrote down their winter blues to burn away in the fire. I had never experienced anything like it. And for many people there it was something they did every year, they probably weren't as excited or intrigued as I was. But I was fascinated with such a cool concept, especially for someone in need of burning away some last bits of negativity holding on.
How lucky am I, that I get to continually experience new things in different cultures throughout my life. I get to feel the excitement of the new and unknown constantly. For some, the new and unknown is frightening, but I am starting to realize I thrive on change. Being stagnant makes me miserable. I love my family. I love my friends. But I love making new friends around the world. I love having relationships with people who have experienced life different than me, and that can show me life as they live in, where they are. I am lucky enough to have made some pretty great friends in all of the places I have lived. Many of whom I still keep in touch with; some more than others. And this doesn't mean I don't enjoy my old friends any less, but I just enjoy having a varied community of people whom I love and enjoy spending my life with.
It's an incredible thing, being able to just go where you want to go. Do the things you want to do. No one stopping you from living your life exactly as you see fit. I think people nowadays get so caught up in comparing their lives to everyone else. "So and so got married, they've only been together a year, me and _____ have been together 5". Not everyone has the same life path. Not everyone wants the same things. No one can tell you how to live your life. It's up to you to decide what you want, and how you will get it. A good life doesn't just happen, you make it happen. You cannot expect to just wake up and be happy. You have to find the things that make you happy.
I made a joke the other day on Facebook about how I look on my social media and everyone is getting married, having babies, really starting their careers, and meanwhile I am excited to once again be moving away to some other part of the planet. And I meant it in the way that it is fascinating that so many of my peers, as well as I, have different priorities in life. We thrive on different things. We have different goals. Different things that make us happy. And that is okay. If everyone wanted the same thing, life would be pretty mundane. That's what make life so interesting. The different people you meet with the different ideas of what life is supposed to look like for them. I do not look down upon anyone who wants to get married and have kids, just because I do not. I may not understand the antiquated tradition of marriage, but if that is what makes my friends happy, I am happy for them. All I want for the people in my life is for them to be living the lives they choose, and that they are happy in their choices. They can get married, or travel the world, or have babies, or do all of it. There is no limit what you can do, as long as you are prepared to do what you can to make it happen.
Lucky for me, I have surrounded myself with the most supportive friends and family a girl can ask for. They are there for me in times of sorrow and happiness. And they support my crazy decisions to move to the North, or the ocean. I just wish I could bring them all with me sometimes, because even with technology the way it is these days, there's nothing like face to face interactions with the people you love.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
aurora borealis ; is this really my life...
And what really matter is that she found herself again, among the lights in the sky and the ground underneath her. She had been waiting for a sign, and this was it. Life is what you make of it and she realized just what a great life she has been making. She would call herself a lucky girl, but it was more than luck and she knew it. She made these things happen. She worked for it. She put herself out there. And she learned that she can do anything and go anywhere. Nothing was stopping her. Nothing to hold her back except herself.
Sometimes I write in the third person when I am writing little things that come to my head. Even when they are about myself. I am not sure why I do it, but I do.
Lately I have been realizing just how 'lucky' I am, only I am also realizing it is not luck. The reason I have had such a great life has been the work I have put into making my life great. I decided to go to teacher's college in Australia, so I applied and worked for it. I became a teacher which may not give me many opportunities at home, but it has given me opportunities to travel and see the world. I am not even sure I really believe in luck. I believe in working towards what you want to achieve and making it happen, not just sitting back and expecting some sort of luck to make it so.
Though perhaps I have been 'lucky' while living in this beautiful territory of Canada, I have experienced what we call the 'aurora borealis', aka the northern lights. I had never seen them before, as they are not usually visible in the places I have lived previously. And I knew that living here I would likely finally get to experience them for myself, it was one of the reasons I chose to move up here.
Ever since I was younger, I have been fascinated with the sky. While I was growing up, I used to sneak outside into my backyard and lie on my deck and stare up at the stars on clear nights. Whenever at cottages, or places outside the city limits, where the stars were more visible, I would spend time just star gazing alone. These days, any time I read about possible planet sightings, meteor showers, and other such sky related phenomenon, I do my best to go outside and attempt to see these incredible spectacles. Sometimes missing out due to my location not being suitable for such a viewing. But nonetheless, I try. And this was a big motivator for me to move up to the Yukon for the school year, the possibility of seeing the northern lights. And boy has it paid off.
My first attempt at seeing the lights was weak at best. I went with a person I had just met up here and to be honest, I could only see a faint glow, barely visible to the eye. But of course more visible to the camera. I was underwhelmed. After that attempt, I decided I would try going out myself whenever the forecast for the lights looked promising. The next time I went out, I drove out to a lake and saw nothing, so I drove half way up Grey Mountain in an attempt to get above the fog and see them. This is what I would describe as my first real viewing of the Northern Lights. Although faint, I saw green bands across the sky and was able to capture pictures, which were not the greatest, as I was still learning to set my camera up for night photography.
So as you can see from the pictures, my first attempt at taking pictures of the lights was amateur at best. I had figured out the shutter speeds, and had them set to 15 and 20 seconds, but the focus on my camera was not right and the trees just look like silhouettes, which is fine, but nothing special. It was good practice, and at least I have decent pictures from my first real northern lights experience.
Sometimes I write in the third person when I am writing little things that come to my head. Even when they are about myself. I am not sure why I do it, but I do.
Lately I have been realizing just how 'lucky' I am, only I am also realizing it is not luck. The reason I have had such a great life has been the work I have put into making my life great. I decided to go to teacher's college in Australia, so I applied and worked for it. I became a teacher which may not give me many opportunities at home, but it has given me opportunities to travel and see the world. I am not even sure I really believe in luck. I believe in working towards what you want to achieve and making it happen, not just sitting back and expecting some sort of luck to make it so.
Though perhaps I have been 'lucky' while living in this beautiful territory of Canada, I have experienced what we call the 'aurora borealis', aka the northern lights. I had never seen them before, as they are not usually visible in the places I have lived previously. And I knew that living here I would likely finally get to experience them for myself, it was one of the reasons I chose to move up here.
Ever since I was younger, I have been fascinated with the sky. While I was growing up, I used to sneak outside into my backyard and lie on my deck and stare up at the stars on clear nights. Whenever at cottages, or places outside the city limits, where the stars were more visible, I would spend time just star gazing alone. These days, any time I read about possible planet sightings, meteor showers, and other such sky related phenomenon, I do my best to go outside and attempt to see these incredible spectacles. Sometimes missing out due to my location not being suitable for such a viewing. But nonetheless, I try. And this was a big motivator for me to move up to the Yukon for the school year, the possibility of seeing the northern lights. And boy has it paid off.
My first attempt at seeing the lights was weak at best. I went with a person I had just met up here and to be honest, I could only see a faint glow, barely visible to the eye. But of course more visible to the camera. I was underwhelmed. After that attempt, I decided I would try going out myself whenever the forecast for the lights looked promising. The next time I went out, I drove out to a lake and saw nothing, so I drove half way up Grey Mountain in an attempt to get above the fog and see them. This is what I would describe as my first real viewing of the Northern Lights. Although faint, I saw green bands across the sky and was able to capture pictures, which were not the greatest, as I was still learning to set my camera up for night photography.
 |
| First Attempt at Northern Lights Photography |
 |
| First Attempt at Northern Lights Photography |
 |
| First Attempt at Northern Lights Photography |
 |
| First Attempt at Northern Lights Photography |
Fast forward to a night out with my roommate Holly, and her friend, who took me with them to try and see the lights. We were excited because there was also talk of a meteor shower happening simultaneously. We drove out to a place, parked the car and walked quite a ways, only to not really have a good line of sight for them. So we packed up and went to her a property her friends owns outside of town and we were able to see a decent view of a green band of light across the sky. I snapped a few good pictures and was pretty happy, although to be honest, the camera was able to capture the lights better than the eye can see. And as great as that is for my northern lights photography practice, it was once again a little underwhelming. I love the pictures I got, but was really hoping for more of a show. I even was able to snap a few pictures of the red lights that night, even though the red northern lights were barely visible to the eye. I could see them faintly, but my companions less so.
 |
| Second attempt at Northern Lights Photos |
 |
| The red lights barely visible to the eye |
 |
| My favourite picture taken on my second attempt at northern lights photography |
Moving on to this weekend… Holly and I decided to attempt to see and capture the Northern Lights as they were forecasted to be 'extreme' all weekend. We set out for Fish Lake on Friday night, but gave up fairly quickly due to the overcast skies. Saturday night, while out at a comedy show, I was able to see the lights from outside the venue during intermission. I was beyond excited and couldn't wait until I was home to set out in chase of the lights again. But by the time we arrived at Fish Lake, the sky turned overcast and though my camera was able to pick up a green haze in the clouds, it was not worth spending hours waiting for the fog to clear. We gave up for the night. Sunday night came upon us, and we were no longer willing to go to Fish Lake, we set our sights higher and earlier. We drove out to Carcross (45-60 minute drive from downtown Whitehorse) in order to attempt viewing from the Carcross Desert.
The Carcross Desert is my favourite place here. I have spent a few days alone in the desert since I got here, just wandering around. It is referred to as the 'world's smallest desert' but in actual fact it is a series of northern sand dunes. Nonetheless it is beautiful, whether winter or summer. Surrounded by mountains, you can't help but feel happy and at peace. So we drive there for just after 9pm and we were right on time for the most amazing show in the sky I have ever encountered. We watched as mountains looked as though they were volcanoes, erupting with green lava. We witnessed green lights dance across the sky. We saw green bands of light make their way from behind one mountain, over another and into yet another. It was breathtaking. It was surreal. It almost brought me to tears. The thing that really got me, was that I was experiencing this. It was my choice to come here, to be there in that moment. It made me truly appreciate what a wonderful life I lead. Here I am, 28 years old, and I have ticked off so many things on people's bucket lists. I have lived in 3 different countries, and different parts of my own country. I have played with tigers, stood on crocodiles, snorkelled in oceans, witnessed the aurora borealis, and so many more amazing experiences. And still more to come. In those moments, as I watched the green lights move through the sky, I could've cried. It was emotional. It was phenomenal. It was surreal. I don't have a bucket list per se, but I do have places I wish to go and things I wish to see in my life time. And I am living my life in a way that I am able to experience the things I wish to.
 |
| Just a quick pose with the lights |
 |
| Staring up at the lights |
 |
| Aurora Volcanus |
 |
| a little light meditation? |
 |
| My favourite of the bunch |
Needless to say, the aurora borealis light show was my favourite moment in the Yukon so far. And this last display was the first time I am able to say I really experienced it. The pictures actually do not even do it justice. As amazed as I am by my ability to capture the lights, and with the help of the bright mood, the ability to capture myself with the lights, the live show was something no photo can ever really capture. Not only was it spectacular to witness, it brought a new perspective into my mind that I had been trying to grasp lately. It's amazing how a natural light display in the sky can make you truly appreciate how fantastically wonderful your life truly is. And how you are responsible for your own life, and it can only be what you choose to make it. I hope that everyone has the chance to experience something like this, whether it be the actual witnessing of the aurora borealis, or just experience something in their life that makes them appreciate their own lives. I can honestly say I have had multiple moments in my life where it felt surreal. And I hope that feeling continues throughout my life.
To sum it up… Th
To sum it up… Th
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
i am a nomad, a wanderer
Ever since I arrived in Whitehorse, I haven't felt like myself. Maybe it was the emotional journey I have been on that hasn't allowed me to be myself fully, but I have known since the moment I got here that I don't belong here. That's not to say I haven't enjoyed my time here. I have met a few lovely people, though few friends I have, they are quality, I can tell you that much. I have been lucky to be living with two of the loveliest people, who have made this place a home to me. But in the grand scheme of things, I hate the cold. Who am I kidding? I tried it, I lasted longer than even I thought I would. But cold and snow just take me so far out of my element that I just know this is not the place for me.
When I set out to come here, it was to runaway from the pain and the misery I was dealing with at home, and run to a place where I can teach and learn to be alone again. I did not set any expectations of how long I would live here, or what my life would be like here. I came here a blank slate and free to do with it as I choose. And I have stuck by that. I made a few friends, mostly through my roommate and my friend Bryn who was already living here. I tried to make other friendships that just didn't quite work out. I spent many hours by myself in my room with Netflix and in the past two months I have learned to knit. And I mean really knit. I am not talking scarves, I am talking words in my scarfs, patterns on hats… I have even impressed myself. And that makes me happy. Accomplishments make me happy. I set out to learn to knit and I exceeded my own expectations of what I would be able to do. It may seem trivial to some, but to me, it meant something.
My time here has not been negatively looked upon. It has been quite amazing to be able to teach in a few different schools, making friendships with other teachers and relationships with the students. The past few days were spent in the Catholic elementary school here where I had students excited to see me as their music teacher, and who complimented me on my hair, glasses and dress, so much so that I could barely get them to settle down to get the lesson started. I had one of the teachers tell me that she wished I could cover her classes, and that she would take more time off when she felt ill if she knew I was the one covering for her. That honestly made me feel wonderful. Especially after hearing many teachers complain about some substitute teachers around here. To know I am one of the good ones, it makes me proud. And I had the chance to teach high school here, which has been amazing. Even when I am not in the English classes, I just enjoy being at the high school. The students are wonderful. The other teachers are great. And I feel a level of respect I cannot describe.
But alas, my time here is coming to an end. I have spent the last few months applying overseas to jobs in many cities, countries, continents. I had my top choices, which I knew were unlikely to be obtained. But I sent my resume out anyways. After buddha knows how many applications sent out, I finally caught a break about a month ago and was offered an interview for a high school position at an international school in Vietnam. After my initial interview, on Skype, I was asked to have a second interview with the Director of the school about 3 weeks ago. I felt very confident after the interview, but then again I always do. I am confident in my abilities to teach, and I like to think I am personable and come across well in interviews. While I was waiting to hear back from them, they said it would be a few weeks, I kept applying. As lovely as it would be to teach in Vietnam, my initial dream has been to teach in every continent, and I have already done Asia, teaching in Thailand. And Vietnam is similar. But because of that, I also know I would probably love it. So my application process still followed along, and truthfully only ended today.
About a week and a half ago, my friend Ardie and I were texting and he told me to look up the Marshall Islands. I already knew where it was, but hadn't really looked into the possibility of teaching there. So I googled to find out if they had an international school. Lo and behold, they do. So I looked over their website, did a bit more research about Majuro, Marshall Islands, where the school is located. And I fell in love. It's not perfect, but the imperfections make it the experience I think I need right now. The island is part of a group of islands (or atolls) that make up the Marshall Islands. I suggest googling it to find out more, as it is rather fascinating. It has only been an independent country since 1986, same amount of time I have been alive. Pretty interesting. Anyways, I decided to apply and see what happens. Within a few hours I received a response with more information about the school and living there, letting me know to read it over and respond if still interested. And after reading through it all, doing a little more research and a bit of thought, I decided to respond. By the end of the day we had an interview scheduled for later in the week. My initial interview wasn't as long as my Vietnam ones, but felt more through and I felt more relaxed. It was a great conversation and informative and I felt like I really clicked with the principal. She was friendly and seemed like she would be a great person to work for. Luckily for me, by the end of the interview she already scheduled another one for this week with her and two other staff, a panel interview. She then sent me over a bunch of links of curriculums and programs they were looking into for the new school year, to read over for my interview. I spent some time each day on the weekend going through it all and making notes. Tuesday night after work I came home, and went straight to my computer for the interview. The interview was great. Once again I felt like I really clicked with the other staff, they were funny and informative and just all around great people. I was confident the job was mine.
Today, I received an email congratulating me and offering a position at the school! I was in disbelief. I read over the entire email a few times before it really sunk in. I am moving to the Marshall Islands. To an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I am going to live in Oceania. Is this real life? So what does this mean? This means that I have been offered a two year contract to teach in Majuro, Marshall Islands, starting this August. This means I will be leaving Whitehorse, Yukon, probably around June 1. I will be teaching my own class, which grade has yet to be determined, either 3 or 5, hoping for 5, but I will take either one. I am moving to this beautiful island….
So my tentative plans for the next few months until I have to go are…
Spend March working, except for March break, where I will hit up Dawson, YT for a few days, relax a bit and then my parents visit. Then spend April working, and since I have to be out of my house by the end of April, I need to find a place to live here for May. I plan to stay in Whitehorse til the end of May, as I may as well keep teaching since I am working every day lately and making money is a good idea. That being said, I will probably start my drive home around May 31/June 1. My plan for my drive home is to really get the most out of it and enjoy it. My drive here was amazing, do not get my wrong, but I want to really see Canada and experience what my country has to offer before I leave it for at least 2 years (probably more). So I will make my way down British Columbia, spend a few days wandering around Vancouver/Victoria and anywhere else I may have friends I can drop in on. Then head east to Banff and spend a few days taking it all in. The few hours I spent in Banff were just not enough on my way here. Then I will make my way across the Prairies, stop in to visit my aunt and uncle in Sultan, Ontario. And then I will hit Toronto, where I will unload my car, sleep, and keep driving. My plan is to continue my cross Canada tour and drive to Halifax to see my lovely friend Jenna and see the east coast for the first time. I will spend a few days around there and start my journey home again.
After this, I will spend a month or so soaking up all the time with my family (mainly my nieces and my grandma, sorry every one else) and my friends. Hopefully hit up a music festival, eat at all my favourite restaurants and maybe have a big welcome home/bon voyage/happy early birthday party somewhere at some point to get all the people I miss and will miss under one roof. And then tentative plans are to fly out to Australia for a few weeks to visit some awesome people and see some friends I have kept in touch with since I lived out there way back in 2009. If timing works out with my lovely Aussies, if not, I know where I am spending Christmas! And then I will fly to Majuro to settle into my new 'home' and new job.
So that's it, ladies and gentlemen. After a winter spent in northern Canada, which has actually been warmer this past week or so, and many other days as well, than my hometown in Ontario, I might add, it is time to bid farewell and move on to warmer climates and new adventures. Did I mention Bora Bora and Fiji are close to the Marshall Islands? Who's coming to visit?
This smile on my face right now is never leaving. I am still in disbelief. I am going to be living on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean… I mean after the last year I just had, I deserve this. MY LIFE IS AWESOME! And yes I will brag because I am so happy, excited, tickled pink if you will. Nothing will break this emotional high right now. Okay I am done. That is my news.
When I set out to come here, it was to runaway from the pain and the misery I was dealing with at home, and run to a place where I can teach and learn to be alone again. I did not set any expectations of how long I would live here, or what my life would be like here. I came here a blank slate and free to do with it as I choose. And I have stuck by that. I made a few friends, mostly through my roommate and my friend Bryn who was already living here. I tried to make other friendships that just didn't quite work out. I spent many hours by myself in my room with Netflix and in the past two months I have learned to knit. And I mean really knit. I am not talking scarves, I am talking words in my scarfs, patterns on hats… I have even impressed myself. And that makes me happy. Accomplishments make me happy. I set out to learn to knit and I exceeded my own expectations of what I would be able to do. It may seem trivial to some, but to me, it meant something.
 |
| My blog name on a scarf because I can |
 |
| Made a deer head hat for Bryn |
 |
| Child sized snowflake hat meant to be adult sized |
 |
| My first adult sized hat |
 |
| Hat I sent to the lovely Sarah in NY |
My time here has not been negatively looked upon. It has been quite amazing to be able to teach in a few different schools, making friendships with other teachers and relationships with the students. The past few days were spent in the Catholic elementary school here where I had students excited to see me as their music teacher, and who complimented me on my hair, glasses and dress, so much so that I could barely get them to settle down to get the lesson started. I had one of the teachers tell me that she wished I could cover her classes, and that she would take more time off when she felt ill if she knew I was the one covering for her. That honestly made me feel wonderful. Especially after hearing many teachers complain about some substitute teachers around here. To know I am one of the good ones, it makes me proud. And I had the chance to teach high school here, which has been amazing. Even when I am not in the English classes, I just enjoy being at the high school. The students are wonderful. The other teachers are great. And I feel a level of respect I cannot describe.
But alas, my time here is coming to an end. I have spent the last few months applying overseas to jobs in many cities, countries, continents. I had my top choices, which I knew were unlikely to be obtained. But I sent my resume out anyways. After buddha knows how many applications sent out, I finally caught a break about a month ago and was offered an interview for a high school position at an international school in Vietnam. After my initial interview, on Skype, I was asked to have a second interview with the Director of the school about 3 weeks ago. I felt very confident after the interview, but then again I always do. I am confident in my abilities to teach, and I like to think I am personable and come across well in interviews. While I was waiting to hear back from them, they said it would be a few weeks, I kept applying. As lovely as it would be to teach in Vietnam, my initial dream has been to teach in every continent, and I have already done Asia, teaching in Thailand. And Vietnam is similar. But because of that, I also know I would probably love it. So my application process still followed along, and truthfully only ended today.
About a week and a half ago, my friend Ardie and I were texting and he told me to look up the Marshall Islands. I already knew where it was, but hadn't really looked into the possibility of teaching there. So I googled to find out if they had an international school. Lo and behold, they do. So I looked over their website, did a bit more research about Majuro, Marshall Islands, where the school is located. And I fell in love. It's not perfect, but the imperfections make it the experience I think I need right now. The island is part of a group of islands (or atolls) that make up the Marshall Islands. I suggest googling it to find out more, as it is rather fascinating. It has only been an independent country since 1986, same amount of time I have been alive. Pretty interesting. Anyways, I decided to apply and see what happens. Within a few hours I received a response with more information about the school and living there, letting me know to read it over and respond if still interested. And after reading through it all, doing a little more research and a bit of thought, I decided to respond. By the end of the day we had an interview scheduled for later in the week. My initial interview wasn't as long as my Vietnam ones, but felt more through and I felt more relaxed. It was a great conversation and informative and I felt like I really clicked with the principal. She was friendly and seemed like she would be a great person to work for. Luckily for me, by the end of the interview she already scheduled another one for this week with her and two other staff, a panel interview. She then sent me over a bunch of links of curriculums and programs they were looking into for the new school year, to read over for my interview. I spent some time each day on the weekend going through it all and making notes. Tuesday night after work I came home, and went straight to my computer for the interview. The interview was great. Once again I felt like I really clicked with the other staff, they were funny and informative and just all around great people. I was confident the job was mine.
Today, I received an email congratulating me and offering a position at the school! I was in disbelief. I read over the entire email a few times before it really sunk in. I am moving to the Marshall Islands. To an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I am going to live in Oceania. Is this real life? So what does this mean? This means that I have been offered a two year contract to teach in Majuro, Marshall Islands, starting this August. This means I will be leaving Whitehorse, Yukon, probably around June 1. I will be teaching my own class, which grade has yet to be determined, either 3 or 5, hoping for 5, but I will take either one. I am moving to this beautiful island….
 |
| Majuro, Marshall Islands |
 |
| This is where it is located |
 |
| Cluster of Islands that make up Marshall Islands |
So my tentative plans for the next few months until I have to go are…
Spend March working, except for March break, where I will hit up Dawson, YT for a few days, relax a bit and then my parents visit. Then spend April working, and since I have to be out of my house by the end of April, I need to find a place to live here for May. I plan to stay in Whitehorse til the end of May, as I may as well keep teaching since I am working every day lately and making money is a good idea. That being said, I will probably start my drive home around May 31/June 1. My plan for my drive home is to really get the most out of it and enjoy it. My drive here was amazing, do not get my wrong, but I want to really see Canada and experience what my country has to offer before I leave it for at least 2 years (probably more). So I will make my way down British Columbia, spend a few days wandering around Vancouver/Victoria and anywhere else I may have friends I can drop in on. Then head east to Banff and spend a few days taking it all in. The few hours I spent in Banff were just not enough on my way here. Then I will make my way across the Prairies, stop in to visit my aunt and uncle in Sultan, Ontario. And then I will hit Toronto, where I will unload my car, sleep, and keep driving. My plan is to continue my cross Canada tour and drive to Halifax to see my lovely friend Jenna and see the east coast for the first time. I will spend a few days around there and start my journey home again.
After this, I will spend a month or so soaking up all the time with my family (mainly my nieces and my grandma, sorry every one else) and my friends. Hopefully hit up a music festival, eat at all my favourite restaurants and maybe have a big welcome home/bon voyage/happy early birthday party somewhere at some point to get all the people I miss and will miss under one roof. And then tentative plans are to fly out to Australia for a few weeks to visit some awesome people and see some friends I have kept in touch with since I lived out there way back in 2009. If timing works out with my lovely Aussies, if not, I know where I am spending Christmas! And then I will fly to Majuro to settle into my new 'home' and new job.
So that's it, ladies and gentlemen. After a winter spent in northern Canada, which has actually been warmer this past week or so, and many other days as well, than my hometown in Ontario, I might add, it is time to bid farewell and move on to warmer climates and new adventures. Did I mention Bora Bora and Fiji are close to the Marshall Islands? Who's coming to visit?
This smile on my face right now is never leaving. I am still in disbelief. I am going to be living on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean… I mean after the last year I just had, I deserve this. MY LIFE IS AWESOME! And yes I will brag because I am so happy, excited, tickled pink if you will. Nothing will break this emotional high right now. Okay I am done. That is my news.
Monday, February 16, 2015
the sound of a new place
When you live somewhere new, you get used to all the sounds of that new place eventually, over time. You become accustomed to the creaks in the house, the sounds that frequent outside your place of residence, and even the noise your roommates make. I write this as I lay in bed, having tried to sleep but kept up by the noise of the snow removal happening outside my window. Here in Whitehorse, snow removal on the streets is not something that happens every time it snows. No that would just be too easy… I mean there are not that many streets in town, it really could not possibly take that long to do it frequently. Instead, snow removal happens on a random night, months after snow has been falling, once it has already been packed down nice from all the cars driving over it daily. It's not as easy as running a plow across the street to pick up freshly laid snow; now the plow has to break up the snow that has been packed down, then it is able to plow it off the roads.
Now this isn't a normal sound by any means, like I said, it's not done daily, or even weekly, or monthly. In fact this is the first time I have had to hear the sounds. But I can tell you this much, listening to them break up the snow, and move their snow plows around noisily, does not bode well for a good night's rest. Do they know they make loud beeping noises when they back up? Is there not a way to turn these functions off at night? I guess it could be worse…
At home, where I grew up, I don't recall the noises really keeping me up. I lived in the same house most my life, so I was well used to the noises by the time I grew up. University, well living in a dorm room on residence you mostly have to get used to your roommate.. and well I will save that for another time. But I remember when my parents moved to the house they are in now, it was eery. The house was bigger and sound traveled differently I could hear everything that happened in the kitchen, which was normally just my parents having people over and me going to bed before they were done being social. But another noise I had to get used to were the trains. The first few times I heard the train go by, I was not impressed. Though we were not that close to them, when awake, you can definitely hear them. But they were not so loud as to wake you out of slumber. But after a few times, I actually came to enjoy the sound of the train passing. Wondering as I would drift off to sleep, where the train may end up and who may be on it. That was a sound I had no problem getting used to.
Australia wasn't so bad. I never spent long enough in one place, having only lived there for 10 months, and lived in three different accommodations. My first place of residency was like Melrose Place mixed with a university dorm. Though there were curfews on noise, you could always hear the faint whispers of parties being had in far off rooms, or the sounds of neighbours hooking up. And the gossip could really keep you up all night. The next place I lived was like a temple in comparison, quiet and serene. I had two roommates, one I barely saw and the other who was quite lovely. The only noise that I had to get used to was the sound of geckos. The chirping was something that used to creep me out at first, I never knew if they were on the inside or outside of the house. I found myself checking my room over constantly to see. Usually turning up empty handed, and eventually finding a way to let the chirping lull me to sleep. In my last place of residence, I lived with a lovely woman and her daughter. No outside noises. No noise that could be helped. It was only the creaks of the house that I had to get used to. Which I never did, being there only 6 weeks and all.
In Thailand I remember waking up to roosters… yes you read that correctly. I did not live on a farm, why am I waking up on a weekend to the sound of a rooster crowing at 6am? Because roosters and chickens wandered around my neighbourhood like they owned the place. Being scared of birds and all, this was terrifying enough as it is. But that noise is something I found hard to sleep through or get used to. And on top of the rooster, two days a week --I believe Wednesday and Sunday, if I am not mistaken-- I could hear the chants and songs from the temple that was in my neighbourhood. And not because I lived that close to it, but because they had a PA system throughout the neighbourhood that would project the temple's chants for all to hear. That was definitely a difficult sound to get used to, especially since I didn't speak Thai and was never quite sure what they were even saying. Oh but that wasn't all… have you ever lived near a karaoke bar? I have. At my house in Thailand, there was a karaoke bar located a ways down the road, and some nights the calamitous noise that came from that bar made my head throb. Some nights it bounced off other houses in the neighbourhood and I could swear my neighbours were singing karaoke in their houses. Eventually Leah and I took my Australian friends, when they were up visiting, and we checked out that karaoke bar. Perhaps we should have just joined in every night, would have been a lot more entertaining.
But seriously, that beeping is still going on, how do they expect people to sleep through this?
It's difficult to leave ones home, so familiar and known. Though not thought about often, it's these foreign noises, especially the ones at night, that are a reminder that I am not at home. And sometimes it doesn't feel like home until I find that I no longer notice these noises and am able to sleep in peace without acknowledging the existence of noises at all.
Now this isn't a normal sound by any means, like I said, it's not done daily, or even weekly, or monthly. In fact this is the first time I have had to hear the sounds. But I can tell you this much, listening to them break up the snow, and move their snow plows around noisily, does not bode well for a good night's rest. Do they know they make loud beeping noises when they back up? Is there not a way to turn these functions off at night? I guess it could be worse…
At home, where I grew up, I don't recall the noises really keeping me up. I lived in the same house most my life, so I was well used to the noises by the time I grew up. University, well living in a dorm room on residence you mostly have to get used to your roommate.. and well I will save that for another time. But I remember when my parents moved to the house they are in now, it was eery. The house was bigger and sound traveled differently I could hear everything that happened in the kitchen, which was normally just my parents having people over and me going to bed before they were done being social. But another noise I had to get used to were the trains. The first few times I heard the train go by, I was not impressed. Though we were not that close to them, when awake, you can definitely hear them. But they were not so loud as to wake you out of slumber. But after a few times, I actually came to enjoy the sound of the train passing. Wondering as I would drift off to sleep, where the train may end up and who may be on it. That was a sound I had no problem getting used to.
Australia wasn't so bad. I never spent long enough in one place, having only lived there for 10 months, and lived in three different accommodations. My first place of residency was like Melrose Place mixed with a university dorm. Though there were curfews on noise, you could always hear the faint whispers of parties being had in far off rooms, or the sounds of neighbours hooking up. And the gossip could really keep you up all night. The next place I lived was like a temple in comparison, quiet and serene. I had two roommates, one I barely saw and the other who was quite lovely. The only noise that I had to get used to was the sound of geckos. The chirping was something that used to creep me out at first, I never knew if they were on the inside or outside of the house. I found myself checking my room over constantly to see. Usually turning up empty handed, and eventually finding a way to let the chirping lull me to sleep. In my last place of residence, I lived with a lovely woman and her daughter. No outside noises. No noise that could be helped. It was only the creaks of the house that I had to get used to. Which I never did, being there only 6 weeks and all.
In Thailand I remember waking up to roosters… yes you read that correctly. I did not live on a farm, why am I waking up on a weekend to the sound of a rooster crowing at 6am? Because roosters and chickens wandered around my neighbourhood like they owned the place. Being scared of birds and all, this was terrifying enough as it is. But that noise is something I found hard to sleep through or get used to. And on top of the rooster, two days a week --I believe Wednesday and Sunday, if I am not mistaken-- I could hear the chants and songs from the temple that was in my neighbourhood. And not because I lived that close to it, but because they had a PA system throughout the neighbourhood that would project the temple's chants for all to hear. That was definitely a difficult sound to get used to, especially since I didn't speak Thai and was never quite sure what they were even saying. Oh but that wasn't all… have you ever lived near a karaoke bar? I have. At my house in Thailand, there was a karaoke bar located a ways down the road, and some nights the calamitous noise that came from that bar made my head throb. Some nights it bounced off other houses in the neighbourhood and I could swear my neighbours were singing karaoke in their houses. Eventually Leah and I took my Australian friends, when they were up visiting, and we checked out that karaoke bar. Perhaps we should have just joined in every night, would have been a lot more entertaining.
But seriously, that beeping is still going on, how do they expect people to sleep through this?
It's difficult to leave ones home, so familiar and known. Though not thought about often, it's these foreign noises, especially the ones at night, that are a reminder that I am not at home. And sometimes it doesn't feel like home until I find that I no longer notice these noises and am able to sleep in peace without acknowledging the existence of noises at all.
Friday, February 6, 2015
in the silence
I have been meaning to write a post on here for awhile, but to be honest, I haven't been up to it. I wish I could say that I have spent the past few weeks going on adventures and being too busy to write and tell you of all the fantastic things I have been doing, but alas that is not the case. Unless you count hibernating in my room watching Netflix and knitting as adventurous. The reason I choose to write this now is that I read a story to the Grade 9 English class I was teaching today that had a quote that really spoke to me. It got me thinking about my life here and trying to make sense of it all. I never really understood why I, a social person, have chosen to be anti social in this new life of mine, in this new 'home'. But I am starting to make sense of it now.
"In the silence, a man learns to be strong. And the silence is not only on the mountain. Somewhere, before he dies, every man must meet it and struggle with it on his own terms. In the silence we must face only ourselves". - Peggy Curry
I have never been one who is unable to make friends easily. As much attitude as I have, and disdain for society and people, I have always been a friendly, social person who has surrounded herself with friends. I grew up going through school, elementary to university, with many different groups of friends. When I look back at high school in particular, I may have been that girl who always had her headphones on, but I had so many different friends in different groups. I don't care to label the groups according to what they were perceived to be by people outside of the group, but there were all kinds of different groups and looking back I was friends with a lot of them. Even going off to university I made friends with many people, those of whom I am still friends with today, even if we live far away from each other. I made some of the best friends I have there.
Then I chose to leave the country, for the first time, by myself, and head off to Australia. I met friends instantly, though to be honest the first friends I met weren't the friends I kept. I find in situations like that you often tend to make friends with the first people you meet, because of circumstances such as where you live or what classes you are taking. The girls who lived next door to me were from Canada, taking the same program as me, and funny enough took the same program as me at Brock University, so it was easy to find things in common and form a friendship. Over time, I realized that I didn't quite fit in with these girls. They were shallow, conniving and just not the kinds of people I would choose to spend my time with. Lucky for me, I lived in a complex that offered me plenty of people to be friends with. So I slowly became friends with other people and joined a group of friends whom I am still friends with today. I never spent that much time alone in Australia, once getting there I had made friends, dated someone and barely spent any time alone in my room, as I do now. It was nice to be social, to always have something to do, somewhere to go, people to hang out with. But at the same time, it was overwhelming to live in that complex full of drama. It was like living in high school. I eventually moved out and made friends with my new roommate Nicole and some of her friends, who I still consider friends of mine to this day. Even living closer to the beach and further from my friends, I still spent more time being social than being alone. And when I was alone, I was wandering around at the beach or in Mooloolaba.
Then I moved away again a a few years ago, this time a very different culture, in Thailand. Somewhere I felt like it would much harder to make friends and meet people. But I did. Though situations involving my roommate made it difficult to socialize (roommates stories can be saved for a different day), I was able to make friends with quite a few of my fellow teachers and through them I was lucky enough to make friends with other people they have met, whether they were passing through Chiang Mai or living there. Though I did spend some more time alone in Thailand than Australia, I found myself going out more often than not. I rarely bought groceries, so I was constantly going out for dinner, or going to explore some new place, or see the same temple for the millionth time. I became close with another teacher, Megan, and we spent a lot of time together just doing things friends do anywhere. I look back on Thailand with fond memories of adventures, and street food, and markets, usually spent with Megan, Bridget or Leah, or others. I felt like I made some really good friends while I was there.
Fast forward to today, I tell myself, and others, that I am okay. That spending my time being anti social and alone isn't as bad as it sounds. And in a way it's not. I hate the cold. I have been hibernating from it, because deep down, I have realized, I am a warm climate kind of girl. The cold weather takes me out of my element. I can't wear the clothes I love to wear, it's too cold. I don't feel like myself here. Not to say that the 'clothes make the man' because it is certainly not the case. But I feel like my sense of style has been compromised due to the desire to be warm taking over the desire to be stylish. And I think that is part of the problem. I am not myself. I also am having a hard time trusting. And some may ask why that would hinder my social life, my ability to make new friends. But it has. I have always been cynical and felt it was hard to trust others, mostly guys. But I feel as though lately it has been taken to a whole new level. I don't trust new people at all. I don't trust they are who they say they are. I don't trust that what they tell me is fact. I have always been someone who makes better friends with guys than girls, I don't know why, I can't explain it. That's not to say some of my best friends aren't girls, I have just always spent most my time hanging out with the guys. And now I feel like it's hard to do that. How do you make new friends with guys when you don't trust them? It's hard to trust a guy when he says he just wants to be friends, when he follows that up by telling you how good you look or flirts with you in some way. I have always been flirty, that's just how I am. And I know it is often taken as meaning more than it really does. But when it comes to making friends with guys, no matter how brutally honest I can be, I always feel like they aren't as honest back. And I never believe when they are saying being just friends is fine, ulterior motives are always there. Which gets proven time and time again when guys who claim to be my friends stop talking to me when they get girl friends, or when I finally explicitly tell them I am not interested or looking to date anyone at all, they stop talking to me. Now I am not saying every guy I talk to is interested in me. It's not about me being conceited and thinking they are all attracted to me. It stems from the lack of trust I have in them to be honest with their intentions with me. And I hate it.
So here I am, unable to put my trust in anyone new in my life and not feeling like myself. And I feel alone. I have never felt so alone in my life. I have gone from living with my boyfriend who was around a lot while I was home, otherwise I was out with others, not as much time alone as maybe we both needed. To now being completely and utterly alone. I have a few friends here, Bryn and my roommates are lovely. I feel bad when I am invited to social events and I just can't be fucked to go. I finally pulled myself together and went to a party that both my roommate and Bryn invited me to, and I felt like an outsider. I felt socially awkward and at one point I looked around and I knew what it was like to be in a room full of people and feel more alone than ever. Everyone knew at least half the people there (it was a crowded party, full of 20-30 somethings) and I knew a total of about three people. And from there I zoned out, where most times I would be social and meet people, I focused on the band playing and let myself wander off into my own little world.
So here I sit, the anti social, social girl, who spends her nights watching Netflix and knitting. I am not always sad, though tears do come to my eyes here or there, sometimes that happens when you are left alone with nothing to do but think. I am training myself to have my mind wander to positive things, to happy memories, but it takes effort and time. But today I realized that there is nothing wrong with this period in my life being anti social. We don't always have to be surrounded by people and doing activities that involve others. I have enjoyed learning to knit, in fact I am sending out three scarves I have knit my friends back home today. And I know that this is just a period in my life, and not my life as a whole. I must learn to be okay being alone again. I must learn to deal with the silence and be at peace with it. I am lucky to be here in Whitehorse, teaching, even if I am not teaching every day. Each day that I am given the opportunity to go in to the classroom has given me hope and strength. Even if I continue to be rejected for opportunities in teaching that I feel I am ready for, I know that it just means it's not my time yet and it's not the right opportunity for me yet. So for now I will embrace the silence and learn to love myself again. For awhile there it was if I was hating myself for things that were beyond my control, for things that were done to me, and not things I have done.
I will make the most of my time here, when I can. I will stay in when I want to stay in and not feel bad for making that decision. I will go outside and do things alone because I like myself enough to do that. The other day it was freezing cold out, and I told myself that I needed to try to embrace the cold. I went on a walking adventure for a little while. Tried to take some pictures and I ended up way past my knees in snow from climbing snow mounds and it was fun. I laughed, I talked to myself, and I froze. And then I went home and curled up in my bed and got back to knitting and Netflix.
I have adventures ahead of me next month, in Dawson and Juneau, and I have my parent's visiting me for a week. And though I choose to leave here in a few month's time, I won't look back at my time here with regret or sadness. This is the time in my life where I am meeting the silence and struggling with it, in order to face myself and figure out what I want out of life and where to go from here. And it is my hope that my next adventure brings me back to my old self, the person who is confident, happy and looks damn good in a dress.
"In the silence, a man learns to be strong. And the silence is not only on the mountain. Somewhere, before he dies, every man must meet it and struggle with it on his own terms. In the silence we must face only ourselves". - Peggy Curry
I have never been one who is unable to make friends easily. As much attitude as I have, and disdain for society and people, I have always been a friendly, social person who has surrounded herself with friends. I grew up going through school, elementary to university, with many different groups of friends. When I look back at high school in particular, I may have been that girl who always had her headphones on, but I had so many different friends in different groups. I don't care to label the groups according to what they were perceived to be by people outside of the group, but there were all kinds of different groups and looking back I was friends with a lot of them. Even going off to university I made friends with many people, those of whom I am still friends with today, even if we live far away from each other. I made some of the best friends I have there.
Then I chose to leave the country, for the first time, by myself, and head off to Australia. I met friends instantly, though to be honest the first friends I met weren't the friends I kept. I find in situations like that you often tend to make friends with the first people you meet, because of circumstances such as where you live or what classes you are taking. The girls who lived next door to me were from Canada, taking the same program as me, and funny enough took the same program as me at Brock University, so it was easy to find things in common and form a friendship. Over time, I realized that I didn't quite fit in with these girls. They were shallow, conniving and just not the kinds of people I would choose to spend my time with. Lucky for me, I lived in a complex that offered me plenty of people to be friends with. So I slowly became friends with other people and joined a group of friends whom I am still friends with today. I never spent that much time alone in Australia, once getting there I had made friends, dated someone and barely spent any time alone in my room, as I do now. It was nice to be social, to always have something to do, somewhere to go, people to hang out with. But at the same time, it was overwhelming to live in that complex full of drama. It was like living in high school. I eventually moved out and made friends with my new roommate Nicole and some of her friends, who I still consider friends of mine to this day. Even living closer to the beach and further from my friends, I still spent more time being social than being alone. And when I was alone, I was wandering around at the beach or in Mooloolaba.
 |
| Two of my favourites and I at Fraser Island |
 |
| Beach Days in Mooloolaba with some favourites |
 |
| This was a great weekend trip with great people. |
 |
| Ridiculous photoshoots are better with friends involved. |
 |
| Trip to Melbourne for my 23rd birthday was spent with wonderful friends |
 |
| Hanging around in Sippy Downs, QLD, with some fine folks |
 |
| Some of my favourite people I met in Thailand |
 |
| Friends like Bridget made me do silly things like Karaoke at Loco Elvis :) |
 |
| Nights like these with Megan are what I miss most |
 |
| When two of my favourite Aussies came to visit me in Thailand |
Fast forward to today, I tell myself, and others, that I am okay. That spending my time being anti social and alone isn't as bad as it sounds. And in a way it's not. I hate the cold. I have been hibernating from it, because deep down, I have realized, I am a warm climate kind of girl. The cold weather takes me out of my element. I can't wear the clothes I love to wear, it's too cold. I don't feel like myself here. Not to say that the 'clothes make the man' because it is certainly not the case. But I feel like my sense of style has been compromised due to the desire to be warm taking over the desire to be stylish. And I think that is part of the problem. I am not myself. I also am having a hard time trusting. And some may ask why that would hinder my social life, my ability to make new friends. But it has. I have always been cynical and felt it was hard to trust others, mostly guys. But I feel as though lately it has been taken to a whole new level. I don't trust new people at all. I don't trust they are who they say they are. I don't trust that what they tell me is fact. I have always been someone who makes better friends with guys than girls, I don't know why, I can't explain it. That's not to say some of my best friends aren't girls, I have just always spent most my time hanging out with the guys. And now I feel like it's hard to do that. How do you make new friends with guys when you don't trust them? It's hard to trust a guy when he says he just wants to be friends, when he follows that up by telling you how good you look or flirts with you in some way. I have always been flirty, that's just how I am. And I know it is often taken as meaning more than it really does. But when it comes to making friends with guys, no matter how brutally honest I can be, I always feel like they aren't as honest back. And I never believe when they are saying being just friends is fine, ulterior motives are always there. Which gets proven time and time again when guys who claim to be my friends stop talking to me when they get girl friends, or when I finally explicitly tell them I am not interested or looking to date anyone at all, they stop talking to me. Now I am not saying every guy I talk to is interested in me. It's not about me being conceited and thinking they are all attracted to me. It stems from the lack of trust I have in them to be honest with their intentions with me. And I hate it.
So here I am, unable to put my trust in anyone new in my life and not feeling like myself. And I feel alone. I have never felt so alone in my life. I have gone from living with my boyfriend who was around a lot while I was home, otherwise I was out with others, not as much time alone as maybe we both needed. To now being completely and utterly alone. I have a few friends here, Bryn and my roommates are lovely. I feel bad when I am invited to social events and I just can't be fucked to go. I finally pulled myself together and went to a party that both my roommate and Bryn invited me to, and I felt like an outsider. I felt socially awkward and at one point I looked around and I knew what it was like to be in a room full of people and feel more alone than ever. Everyone knew at least half the people there (it was a crowded party, full of 20-30 somethings) and I knew a total of about three people. And from there I zoned out, where most times I would be social and meet people, I focused on the band playing and let myself wander off into my own little world.
So here I sit, the anti social, social girl, who spends her nights watching Netflix and knitting. I am not always sad, though tears do come to my eyes here or there, sometimes that happens when you are left alone with nothing to do but think. I am training myself to have my mind wander to positive things, to happy memories, but it takes effort and time. But today I realized that there is nothing wrong with this period in my life being anti social. We don't always have to be surrounded by people and doing activities that involve others. I have enjoyed learning to knit, in fact I am sending out three scarves I have knit my friends back home today. And I know that this is just a period in my life, and not my life as a whole. I must learn to be okay being alone again. I must learn to deal with the silence and be at peace with it. I am lucky to be here in Whitehorse, teaching, even if I am not teaching every day. Each day that I am given the opportunity to go in to the classroom has given me hope and strength. Even if I continue to be rejected for opportunities in teaching that I feel I am ready for, I know that it just means it's not my time yet and it's not the right opportunity for me yet. So for now I will embrace the silence and learn to love myself again. For awhile there it was if I was hating myself for things that were beyond my control, for things that were done to me, and not things I have done.
 |
| My knitting for Meghan, check those personalized buttons ;) |
 |
| Knit this for Heather |
 |
| And knit this for Vanessa |
I will make the most of my time here, when I can. I will stay in when I want to stay in and not feel bad for making that decision. I will go outside and do things alone because I like myself enough to do that. The other day it was freezing cold out, and I told myself that I needed to try to embrace the cold. I went on a walking adventure for a little while. Tried to take some pictures and I ended up way past my knees in snow from climbing snow mounds and it was fun. I laughed, I talked to myself, and I froze. And then I went home and curled up in my bed and got back to knitting and Netflix.
 |
| Solo snowy adventures |
 |
| Chai tea latte, selfie stick, me and snow… |
 |
| This is Fish Lake |
I have adventures ahead of me next month, in Dawson and Juneau, and I have my parent's visiting me for a week. And though I choose to leave here in a few month's time, I won't look back at my time here with regret or sadness. This is the time in my life where I am meeting the silence and struggling with it, in order to face myself and figure out what I want out of life and where to go from here. And it is my hope that my next adventure brings me back to my old self, the person who is confident, happy and looks damn good in a dress.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)